“On holidays and special occasions there are those who are alone. There are also those alone in a crowd or in committed relationships. Feeling alone is something most of us have experienced. It comes from the thoughts you have about yourself and about others. If you don’t feel worthy to be loved, it’s difficult to find it. Why? Because the energy you put out comes back the same multiplied.

If instead, you were to love and joyously accept yourself, that love, joy and acceptance would be returned multiplied. What you put out comes back. If you feel alone, I promise you it’s not because you are thinking, ‘I am loved and worthy of love.’ You may not be horribly negative about yourself, but you aren’t uplifting, edifying and feeling marvelous about yourself. You can change that.

The same is true in a relationship, whether it’s kids for their parents or parents for kids, life-partners, spouses or significant others. If you’re in a relationship you don’t like, or a difficult one because you do want it but it’s not working out, or fulfilling, I PROMISE YOU, you aren’t thinking, ‘How lucky I am this person is in my life. I am so grateful to know and love this incredible person.’ Am I right?’

DEVELOP THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE, MINDSET AND BELIEFS TO TRANSFORM YOURSELF

If you are truly grateful for the other person or persons and for yourself, life and relationships can be wonderfully different. You can’t control the other person, nor should you want to or attempt to. Who wants someone they can control? Robots are coming. You’d be better off with a robot. A real person hopefully chooses to stay with you, and you with them, because you both want to. You agree to it.

If you are having difficulty I assure you, most likely neither of you are expressing gratitude and appreciation for each other silently or out loud. If you’re focused on what is wrong with them, you or the relationship, you create and attract more of the same. Research tells us we have mirror neurons. What do you suppose that is? Why do you think they called these ‘mirror’ neurons? They reflect.

We experience what another is experiencing. We mirror each other unconsciously. It is the basis for empathy. If we harbor a secret grudge they can tell. Perhaps, not consciously. You know, ‘like I can’t put my finger on it but…’ They also experience feeling loved if you deeply love and appreciate them. We respond similarly to each other. We reflect each other, but not necessarily consciously. Get this.

DEVELOP THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE, MINDSET AND BELIEFS TO TRANSFORM YOURSELF

What’s known as the Rosenthal or Pygmalion Effect is that people rise or fall to the level of your expectations about them. I’m not going into the research, you can look it up. Researcher Rosenthal argued that biased expectations can affect reality and create self-fulfilling prophecies. Sounds somewhat like the law of attraction. You get back what you put out. You find what you expect to.

Self-fulling. Our thoughts, beliefs, biases, expectations shape our reality and what we find. That’s why the term ‘you’ll see it when you believe it.’ Our brains find for us those things with importance or high signal value. What we obsess about we find most frequently. If we worry someone may be dishonest or cheat on us, we in fact may find that because we helped to create it. Our thoughts create reality.

Their mirror neurons. Get this? I’ll say it again, if you harbor a grudge or a negative feeling, thought, belief or expectation about someone you might just find it manifesting. It’s a dance. You harbor it and they pick it up subliminally and respond to it, not really knowing why, but something is off. Then they discover the reasons. THEN, they find you, ‘cold, resentful, not the same, no fun anymore,’ etc.

DEVELOP THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE, MINDSET AND BELIEFS TO TRANSFORM YOURSELF

The Reticular Activating System (RAS) finds in your outer world examples of what you hold on the inside. Get this. It could be they pick up on you first or you pick up on them first. GET THIS! It doesn’t matter which came first, the chicken or the egg, what matters is what you do if the relationship is important to you. If you want a loving relationship you have to focus on being loving and lovable.

What attracted you to each other? What was it that you enjoy and love most about the other person? Remember, how you felt in their presence and longed for them when you were apart. Remember all the things that made you feel loving and feel loved. Discover that appreciation and gratitude for them again. Cuz, if you don’t appreciate them now, consider what you.re doing. You’re not creating loving.

Notice what you ARE creating and attracting. Once you felt and thought a certain way and now it is different. If you want to recapture the original magic you must let go of grievances, biases and expectations that they’re not the same person. Let go, release, forgive and discover again all the reasons you fell in love. If you want them to love you, behave in loving ways towards them.

DEVELOP THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE, MINDSET AND BELIEFS TO TRANSFORM YOURSELF

Hold that person in the highest possible esteem. As Rosenthal demonstrated, ‘The Pygmalion effect is a psychological phenomenon in which high expectations lead to improved performance in a given area and low expectations lead to worse.’ Yes, it wasn’t about loving relationships but about performance by students. Those who performed best were thought to be best by the teacher. Get this! Do you?

If you want to be loved, be loving. If you want to be appreciated, appreciate others. If you want more friends, be a friend first. Be open, kind, caring, attentive, respectful and a good listener. What you put out, your vibe, comes back to you. Your energy attracts similar energy the same way finely tuned instruments resonate together when a string is plucked. You resonate with others according to energy.

You can’t change or control the other. Nor should you want to. You can change and control your output to maximize the likelihood you’ll get a good return on your investment. That doesn’t mean Susie or Bill will reciprocate just because you got your eye on them. It could, but don’t think like that. Think, ‘I’ll attract the right person for me.’ Open yourself up to greater possibilities. World = Oyster!!

DEVELOP THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE, MINDSET AND BELIEFS TO TRANSFORM YOURSELF

In a committed or family relationship what you do can serve to help repair damage and overcome difficulty and create greater rapport, understanding, and improved feelings. You can overcome familial distance by generating warmth, caring and respect. If you want someone to feel better, GO FIRST. Apologize. If they don’t accept it, don’t get mad. Take it slow. Demonstrate though time you mean it.

Some people must repair trust slowly. Allow them the time they need. Let them see by your actions you mean it. Anything less, is bound to disappoint you both. Same is true in partner relationships. Time helps heal but being true to your word and demonstrating gentle loving kindness can make a difference. In both cases it helps to mentally shower the other person/s with love and good will.

Imagine them radiating love and goodness. See them happy and joyful. See them successful and delighted. Wish the best for them. Celebrate them. The energy you put out comes back to you even if it isn’t returned from that person or persons. If you harbor anger or resentment or wish them poorly that is returned to you too. What do you want for yourself and for them? The best! That’s what works.

DEVELOP THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE, MINDSET AND BELIEFS TO TRANSFORM YOURSELF

Love begets love when it’s given without expectation it must be returned in a particular way. Appreciate the other. Find the reasons you love them, whether a romance partner or family member or friend. Hold them in the highest esteem in your mind, heart and soul. Be willing for it to take time. Expect the best but don’t insist on how it should be. Don’t bother or intimidate. Don’t pester.

Be positive and optimistic without putting demands or conditions on the other or the universe. Be willing to love them from a far if necessary because you love them whether they return it or not. If you only love them because they love you that is conditional and not giving freely. The prodigal son’s father celebrated because his lost son returned. He loved his son through everything the son did.

If you truly love, then love. Accept and allow the other person free reign to come, stay or go. How do you hold a butterfly? In an open hand. Remember, you can’t hold water in your fist. Be loving and be open to having them respond or not. Just silently, gently broadcast subliminally that you appreciate and care for them. You love them as they are without no strings. That’s a more wonderful love.

DEVELOP THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE, MINDSET AND BELIEFS TO TRANSFORM YOURSELF

If you want a friend, remember to be a friend first. Give first what you’d like in return FROM THE UNIVERSE. If it’s not to be this person, then it can be another. Be open to the universe. How do you do this? It begins with the thoughts you think. Think, you are deserving. You are loving. Think you love and accept yourself. Think you love others and accept them. Be grateful for yourself and others.

If the relationship is important to you to preserve it, then commit to making all of your moments magical, memorable, magnificent and miraculous. AND find those past moments in your relationships, recall them, emphasize and enhance them and hold them in your heart. Let go of the hurts. Forgive and heal. Speak only to bless, edify, heal, inspire, prosper, transform and uplift. Anchor in the good!

Start with positive, loving, kind, gentle accepting thoughts. Affirm the best in you and them. Keep at it and you’ll soon discover changes occurring in yourself and the world around you. As you uplift and edify your energy and vibe high those people who vibe the same can come your way. Remember, you are worth it. You are a good person. Love yourself and others. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

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