“When dealing with others, family, friends, colleagues and strangers consider the behavior you’re observing. Think about it. Don’t rush to a judgement. Stay open. Observe before you address it. What might the person be attempting to achieve? Maybe they aren’t going about it in the best way, but their motives are noble. How is the behavior impacting others? Think about it.

If it isn’t impacting others now, let it alone. For example, if you’re a parent or teacher and the child’s behavior isn’t impacting others, don’t draw other’s attention to it. Doing so might serve to escalate and cause issues where there weren’t any. If the child is singled out or embarrassed, you may need to address things you would not have had to if left alone. Don’t create issues. Get it?

Consider what might be going on beneath the surface that gives rise to their behavior and word choices. What might be the deeper needs they are trying to fulfill? When answering questions as a teacher, trainer, coach or guide you might ask yourself, ‘what is the question behind their question?’ Be open. Don’t judge. If you do discover a deeper need, it’s important to address it.

DEVELOP THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE, MINDSET AND BELIEFS TO TRANSFORM YOURSELF

The question asked may not be the real question they’re trying to get answered. Not everything is always upfront and on the surface. There may be deeper needs, deeper quests, deeper reasons, and it would be valuable to explore and attempt to discover what is really going on inside them. Yes, you may be wrong OR you may be right. It’s not about that. It’s NOT about you. Get this!

It’s about getting to the real reasons, the deeper needs, the unanswered longings that concern them. What you can do is listen intently, not to solve but to discover. Stay open. Pay attention. Give them respect and understanding. There are no wrong or stupid questions or answers. Everything is applicable. If it’s appropriate depends on the context and may need addressing.

You’re with them in this. Align with them and assist them in clarifying. If the behavior is inappropriate or impacting others in less-that-glorious ways, how might you help them get what they want in more positive and productive ways? How might they adjust their behaviors to be more successful in their quest? Exlpore positive resources and possibilities with them. Be a guide.

DEVELOP THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE, MINDSET AND BELIEFS TO TRANSFORM YOURSELF

What other questions might you ask to gain a deeper understanding of what it is they see? Be a friendly guide. Assist them. If it’s not your place don’t chastise them or reprimand them. Never humiliate or embarrass them. It should never be that you’re right and they’re wrong. Help them explore options and alternatives to discover their deeper needs and address those needs.

Address their needs in ways that help serve them and others better. Help them understand you’re in it together. Become a team of problem solvers and forward thinkers. Act first with compassion and the desire to understand. Then you can assist others in accessing their inner resources and the resources around them to discover possibilities and opportunities they may have not realized previously. Love them, Uplift them. Edify them and celebrate with them. More in next blog. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

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