“There are ways to speak to someone that increases the likelihood you could get your way or what you want from them. There are ways to speak that could decrease that likelihood, too. Wouldn’t you agree? How you speak and how you approach someone matters, don’t you think? What you say and how you say things to others matters, right? Much of it begins with your intentions. First, you must know what you want. Right?

You need to know your purpose and what you are attempting to accomplish. Then you must use the right approach. You use the right tools, so to speak. You take care to get the best results, so you don’t screw it up. Isn’t that, right? If you are attempting to get something from someone else that would benefit you and them, don’t you approach speaking to them with care and respect? Aren’t you attempting to do your best with them?

So, why would it be any different when we speak to ourselves? There are ways we can speak to ensure we get what we want. There also are ways of speaking to ourselves to insure we won’t get what we want. This makes sense, right? The best way to get what you want is to speak in positive terms. Phrase your language positively. Instead of pointing out what you don’t want, point out what you do want. Treat yourself with care and respect.

Speak Positively: Say What You Want

Perhaps, you have heard this example. When you tell a child ‘Don’t spill your milk’ what is the internal mental image the child has to make? Since our brains don’t process the negative image of not spilling milk, the child must see herself spilling the milk. Get this. How do you imagine not spilling milk? What is the point of the message you are delivering? SPILL YOUR MILK, not. To make sense of not spilling one must know spilling.

Get this. You tell a young child Don’t spill and what happens. The child spills it. Then what typically happens? What do you follow up with saying to the child? You typically say, ‘I told you not to spill your milk!’ Right? Again, because shortly after you said ‘don’t spill’ the child did. Perhaps you said, ‘Don’t make so much noise. Don’t scream. Don’t fall. Don’t trip. Don’t! Don’t Don’t! You are telling them WHAT to do, to not do.

If you tell someone, ‘Don’t get mad at me’ what do they usually do? When you say ‘you never listen to me’ does it help much? More likely at that point they start talking about how they do listen. It’s the same with the example, ‘don’t think of an elephant’. Your mind responds to the language but doesn’t process the word don’t. It doesn’t take it as a command to NOT do something, it only understands what to do, ‘think of elephants.’

It Matters What We Think And Say

Get it. ‘Spill milk’ ‘never listen’ ‘get mad’ ‘trip’ ‘fall’. You think you are telling them to not do these things, but you are making it more difficult for them to not do what you are asking. As we grow older, we are more capable of overriding these bad instructions but we still are susceptible as when we say ‘don’t forget to take your lunch, watch, glasses’ and then leave only to forget to take what you told them not to forget. Get this.

How we say things to others matters! What we say to ourselves matters too! Say, ‘don’t forget to pick up bread on the way home’ you can forget to do it just as easily as when you tell another person the same thing. One way to make your instructions clearer and more likely to be carried out as you hope they will, is to express both sides. If you catch yourself saying, ‘don’t forget’ then add ‘remember to get it’. ‘Don’t spill! Carry it carefully.’

This way they picture in their mind, or you in yours, what you want it to be. You want them, and yourself, to picture what you want to occur. ‘Don’t trip. Walk carefully.’ Get it? Brains work this way. They delete the negative words and take the rest as a command. Therefore, we need to focus on what we want and to state things in the positive. This is why we want to think positively. Then the brain knows what to positively do.

Fill Your Subconscious With What You Want

That way we get more of what we want to be, do and have! While it is true that once old enough you consciously know what’s meant by ‘don’t spill’ and you can successfully override the command and the internal image or representation to spill it, you still must represent it to yourself. Your mind still made the pictures of you spilling it. Your conscious mind is tiny by comparison to your unconscious, or subconscious mind.

You don’t want to fill your larger powerful subconscious mind with images of what you don’t want to happen for any reason. You want to fill this powerful mind with what you do want to happen! Get it? You want to fill your subconscious mind with what you want to happen because your subconscious mind is a ‘servant mechanism’ or servomechanism. The main task it has IS to carry out and fulfill the commands you give it.

The important question is, what are you giving it most of the time? What are you filling your mind with? What images are you providing? Are you giving it what you want so it can bring you more of what you want OR are you mostly focused on what you don’t want? Are you fearful negativity, worrying, focused on lack or not having enough to make ends meet, etc. What are you thinking about, imagining, seeing, telling yourself most often?

Speak Only To Bless, Heal And Prosper

What you give it to work on it will deliver! You know the story of the two wolves fighting. Which one wins is the one you feed. The seeds you plant are either flowers or weeds, food or poison. It is either positive or negative. Are you mostly negative or mostly positive? Do you know? Can you tell? Look at your life for the clues. Phrase your language positively. Instead of saying, ‘don’t be late’ say ‘please be on time’. Get it?

Instead of saying, ‘I’ll never lose weight’ say ‘I can eat healthy foods and feel proud.’ or ‘The healthier I eat the more I feel great’. or ‘I can reach my ideal weight through right eating and exercising and feeling good’. Focus on what you want, that’s positive. When you speak to yourself and others don’t blame, criticize or whine. Don’t point out what’s wrong and what you don’t like or don’t want.

Look for what’s good and what is right, what you enjoy, what you want more of. Point out these things. Always speak only to bless, heal and prosper others and yourself. Keep you talk with others and your self-talk positive. Focus on these. Fill your brain with these. Tell your brain precisely what you want it to do, to pay attention to and to give you more of. Do this. Direct it positively by using positive language.

It Matters What You Instruct Your Mind And Other’s Minds To Do

Direct it by telling it what you do want. This is what affirmations are about. Make positive mental images, pictures or movies in your head so your brain knows what you want it to do. DO these repeatedly until it becomes an automatic habit. It will become second nature, so you don’t have to think about it through correct repetition carried out for long enough. Plus, feeling good matters.

The more positively intense you follow these instructions the sooner good things happen for you. The easier it becomes when you enjoy positively programming yourself. Then you’ll be creating more of what you want more of the time AND less of what you don’t want, less of the time. Do you get it? You become what you think about most often! You get what you focus on. What you think about you bring about.

The wolf you feed is the wolf that lives! You reap what you sow. If you plant images in your head of what you don’t want and then you get what you imagined, you really shouldn’t be surprised or dismayed. You programmed yourself to fail or to feel bad. If you did fail and feel bad stop whining and complaining about it and realize you have the ability to create crap. BRAVO. Recognize you ARE a creator. Understand this!

Own Your Mind Own Your Behavior

To create good is only a matter of what you choose to focus on. Take control of your own mind and behavior. Put a guard before your lips and be careful what you think and say to yourself and others. Whatever you are thinking about and talking about you are bringing about. You are always creating! So, if you don’t like what you have, where you’re at, your circumstances or the results you’ve been getting you need to make some changes!

Change what you are doing, saying and focusing on to ones you do want. Stop focusing on crap and start focusing exclusively on the good you want to have more of. Realize you’re responsible for what you create. Take ownership of your results. Own it! Be accountable and responsible. THEN switch what you’re doing from creating negative results to creating positive results. Don’t blame or make rationalizations. Just do it.

Don’t delay. Do it today! See how that works? Both sides were represented. Don’t and Do. Always remember to direct your mind toward what you want it to do. Keep it simple. Do this. Do this. Do this. That’s what you tell your brain. As you would speak to a small child; ’walk carefully’. You wouldn’t say ‘navigate well the horrendous pitfalls along the walkway maintaining your balance by placing your center of gravity in such a way.’ Would you?

Only Say What You Want – Affirm What You Want – Reinforce What You Want  

You’d say, ‘walk carefully’, or ‘walk tall’ or ‘stand up straight’ or ‘smile more’. or ‘think happy thoughts.’ Keep it simple. Be direct! Be positive. Speak in positive terms. Think positive. Fill your mind and hours with positivity and notice how wonderful your life becomes. Pay attention and delight in all the good things you notice. Life is easier and more enjoyable than you ever realized. Learn to use your mind to get what you want! Celebrate and be filled with gratitude and your life will become beyond amazing! Get it? Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes