“The best way to get what you want is to speak in positive terms. Phrase your language positively. Instead of pointing out what you don’t want, point out what you do want. Perhaps, you have heard this example. When you tell a child ‘Don’t spill your milk’ what is the internal mental image the child must make? The child sees herself spilling the milk.
Then what typically happens? What do you follow up with saying to the child? You typically say, ‘I told you not to spill your milk!’ Right? Because shortly after you said ‘don’t spill’ the child did. If you tell someone, ‘Don’t get mad at me’ what do they usually do? When you say, ‘you never listen to me,’ does it really help much?
My guess is at that point they start talking about how they do listen. It’s the same as with the example, ‘don’t think of an elephant’. Your mind responds to the language but doesn’t process the word don’t. It doesn’t take it as a command to NOT do something, it only understands what to do, ‘see or think of an elephant’; ‘spill milk’; ‘never listen’.
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Tell your search engine you don’t want to find anything about baseball. Don’t show pictures of flowers. I’m not interested in baked goods. What comes back to you from the search engine. Baseball, flowers and baked goods. It’s the same with your mind. In order to get what you want from your mind you must tell it that AND stop telling it what you don’t!
How you say things to others matters, right? There are ways to talk to someone that increases the likelihood you might get your way or what you want from them and there are ways that decrease that likelihood, wouldn’t you agree? How you speak and how you approach someone matters, don’t you think? It matters what we think and say!
A way to combat this is to express both sides.
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If you catch yourself saying, ‘don’t forget’ then add ‘remember to get it’. ‘Don’t spill! Carry it carefully.’ This way the LAST picture in their mind or yours is what you want it to be. You want them and you to picture what you want to have occur. We think in pictures and respond emotionally and behaviorally to them.
It’s the same when we speak to ourselves. There are ways we can speak to ensure we get what we want. There also are ways of speaking to ourselves to insure we won’t get what we want. This makes sense, right? Brains work this way. They delete the negative words and take the rest as a command. They operate off the dominant thought and image in mind.
This is why we need to focus on what we want and to state it positively. This is why we want to think positively. So, we get more of what we want to be, do and have! It is true you consciously know what is meant by ‘don’t spill’ and you can successfully override the command and the internal image or representation to spill at times.
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You still must represent it to yourself. Your mind still made the pictures of you spilling it. Your conscious mind is tiny by comparison to your unconscious, or subconscious, or other than conscious mind. Stop filling your larger, powerful subconscious mind with images of what you don’t want to happen for any reason. NO, fill this powerful mind with what you do want to happen! Get this and you’ll be happier and more successful more often. Learn how to use language on yourself and others and you’ll operate ahead of the curve. Get it. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes
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