“In my last blog I encouraged you to look deeper into a person’s behavior to discover what might possibly be influencing them or motivating them from within. The surface answer may address the symptoms but not the cause. What is the underlying cause or intention they are attempting to fulfill by speaking or behaving as they do. I suggested care when in the company of others. Be respectful at all times. Be willing to go deeper.

The same exploration should take place when negotiating, during the sales process and whenever you want or need to discover what might be holding the person back, what they need to move forward, or why they are acting as they are. Ask yourself, ‘why might they be doing this? ‘Why else? What else might be going on? What need or desire are they really attempting to fulfill?’ What is the possible reason behind the one they give?

Hold them in positive regard. Allow them to be who they are without judgement. Stay open. Be receptive. Pay attention. Listen to learn. You know the saying, success leaves clues. WELL, so do people. People are always trying to fulfill what is most important to them in the moment and in life. What they present may not be the actual reasons or motivations. Keep this in mind. They aren’t wrong doing this. We all do it. It’s human.

DEVELOP THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE, MINDSET AND BELIEFS TO TRANSFORM YOURSELF

Don’t ridicule or shame them. Attempt to let them know their interests are in your heart IF they truly are. If not, you might want to pass it along to someone who cares when and if possible. Objections people speak may not be the actual objection. They may say cost but inside are afraid to decide because they fear a bad outcome. Cost is what they say. At the same time, it is possible they say what the issue is. Be sensitive and understand.

The map is not the territory. The menu is not the meal. It is not that they are trying to be dishonest, albeit in some cases, perhaps. Most often they are just offering what is at the tip of their consciousness. It’s the story and reasoning they repeat frequently. It can also be helpful to think of them inside as a child. Don’t treat them like some adults treat children. Treat them as adults but understand this principle. They’re people of worth.

If you are kind, caring, compassionate and seeking to understand you treat them with respect. You don’t try to yank them into another position but travel at their speed. Go only as fast as they can understand, see and appreciate your points and begin to dissolve whatever objection, difficulty or fear they may have. NOW, not all inner motivations are based on fear. Some are what they want. Don’t be a victim to hallucinations about them.

DEVELOP THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE, MINDSET AND BELIEFS TO TRANSFORM YOURSELF

Sometimes they are attempting to fulfill bigger or more important values but don’t yet know how. What they say and do is what they know to do presently, and they may still be trying to figure things out. By helping a person uncover what is driving them to get clear on it, whether it is an obstacle, or a desire is a benefit to them. You help free them to be who they are. You assist them. You seek to discover accurately what is going on.

When they understand and appreciate what may be going on they can choose to keep it or let it go. They can choose to diminish it or enhance it. That is liberty. That is a place of power. They are back in the driver’s seat. Your ability to help solve problems, trouble shoot and communicate influentially, respectfully, positively and optimistically can add to your worth in the marketplace. That’s only one of many wonderful benefits.

We need problem solvers who can uplift and edify others and who can accurately pinpoint what the issues are needing to be resolved. You must be careful to not get too filled with yourself and stay humble. Why? Because your ability depends on your skill in listening and hearing what is said underneath the words and observing and witnessing patterns in behaviors. You must remain open. You just have clear open sensory channels to notice.

DEVELOP THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE, MINDSET AND BELIEFS TO TRANSFORM YOURSELF

You are like a detective following up leads. Unlike a detective you are not trying to ‘get’ someone. But know this, ‘lack of evidence is not evidence of lack.’ What you can’t yet see doesn’t mean it isn’t there or there is not a connection somewhere else. The answer usually is there but like a forest of trees we miss what we are looking for. Being open and available are skills to develop. If you cloud your own judgement you’ll miss what’s real.

Knowing how to create rapport, preserve respect and maintain relationships in trouble situations, difficult negotiations, the sales process or with family, friends and strangers is of prime importance. Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater by attempting to get to the deeper issues. Don’t succumb to thinking someone is lying because they have inner motivations and desires. Get this. Assume they are being truthful and may not know.

It’s about allowing whatever is within to rise to awareness so one can more effectively choose how to proceed. Since we can’t not communicate, everything is communication. What people think, how they think, what they say, how they say it, what they do and how they do it ARE always there for us to notice and detect patterns that serve them or hold them back. BUT KNOW THIS. We live from within to without but may not be aware of it all.

DEVELOP THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE, MINDSET AND BELIEFS TO TRANSFORM YOURSELF

Even something that holds a person back is serving them. It is what they know. It is how they do it. It is a habit they learned. It isn’t bad or wrong. It serves a positive purpose. Finding that positive purpose or intention is important. Preserve their integrity. A person is more than their behaviors. You might assign a positive intent. That is reframing. It’s looking for a plausible positive spin. Put a positive frame around their behavior.

The goal should be for them to feel better after being with you and not worse. They ought to feel like you helped them move forward and freed them up to make those moves. It ought to be a win/win for everyone. Leave people feeling better than you found them. Help them appreciate who they are. Don’t blow smoke be genuine. The more you are available and genuine the more they can be. Create that space. Nature abhors a vacuum. Create the space and it can be filled with insight, harmony, understanding, acceptance, positive esteem and regard, love, kindness and positive growth. You and the other can become a team. Get this and you get a lot. Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

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