“When people’s tempers flare they take opposite sides and they willingly clash. What to do? They think they’re correct and you think you are. Is there a solution? Can you recognize what needs to be changed in order to bridge understanding? Most can’t, don’t and willfully won’t. What can you do?

This issue has existed and frustrated people throughout history. There is accurate information and there is opinion. The difficulty is this telling which is which. In the courtroom the phrase is often used, ‘the evidence will show’. Well, evidence shows nothing. Evidence is collected, interpreted, presented and described. Then fought over.

Similar to the vase on your table evidence sits there (actually sitting implies something it doesn’t do. Sitting is the domain of living ‘things’). It is there. It does nothing. Someone comes along and describes it, characterizes it, speaks about it, lies about it, tells the ‘truth’ about it, but the vase and evidence does nothing in or by itself.

The human creates a story about the evidence to present to others in order to convince them of a point of view. Another attorney or human tells a different story using the same evidence.

We don’t have a monopoly on truth. We have what ‘evidence’ there is. We have what we take it to mean and suggest. It says and does nothing by itself. We give it meaning. We create the chain, the story. We present the ‘facts’ to imply or demonstrate our hypothesis, our thesis or our claim.

That said, there will always be those who present opposite or counter theories and suggestions using the same evidence.

What each of us ought to do is try to get as much independent, accurate evidence to make a well-informed, wise decision and not rely on stories told to influence us. We ought not be swayed by opinion, but by ‘facts’.

Facts are subject to interpretation. They are subject to varying degrees of description and agreement or disagreement over them.

Subjectivity rules. Our maps determine where we travel to in and outside our minds. There is no independent reality separate from our interpretation of it. The inner and outer ‘realities’ are one ‘thing’ and/or co-exist together. We think there is independent objective reality but if there is we must use our subjective maps of it to navigate it. Do you see the problem?

We react to the world based on our beliefs, values, opinions, perceptions and what we think is real and not real. We operate from inside our individual thought bubbles and typically align with others sharing thought bubble similarities. What is out there is perceived from in here. We look out at the world. That is why it is called our outlook. Get it?

We have our views in our bubble. We separate from, and sometimes oppose, those whom we think don’t share the similarities. We congregate with those who we think do share our similarities. It’s how communities, religions, politics, cults, as well as friendships, arise.

We accept those who are like us and reject or separate from those who aren’t. We think we ‘know’ what is right better than they do. They think they know better than we. So…

Great spirits will always have to contend with mediocre minds.

If we are going to debate facts it makes sense to get the most reliable, reputable, honest, moral and ethical sources of facts, and assemble as much and as many as possible from diverse places. Then weigh them, assess them, verify them and then debate them intelligently without throwing red herrings and falsehoods into the mix.

BUT that is ideal and we deal with people who aren’t rational, because none of us really are. We aren’t brainiacs. We are humans and we do what we have learned to do. We are susceptible and gullible and most likely do what and how, and what, we have always done. We are creatures of thought habits and feeling habits.

We believe our friends and sources sometimes, actually most of the time for no known or observable reason. We do what we do and we really haven’t a clue why we do what we do. We just do.

Then, some of us expect others to behave and think and react as we do. Then, they would be smart and good people. Think like me and the world is a better place. Everyone should be like me. We might not say it, but we expect it and maybe secretly hope it will be the case.

All of it is an attempt to control others and the world around us

There are things we can’t do and things we can. We (you and me, each of us) can attempt to become aware when we are full of crap and making poor decision based on poor processing or decision making skills.

We can attempt to make better decisions by staying available to incoming information and not cherry-picking when things presented are opposite to what we believe or value. We can but most of us don’t know what staying open actually means.

It is not easy to stay open for ourselves or when listening to others, but it is simple. Stay open. Take in the best legitimate info you can, weigh it according to the other best info and decide.

You can try to make others do the same, but good luck with that!

However, people demonstrate they can be swayed. If you can find the hook you can present the message and sway them according to how they already think and maybe get them to align with you. And guess what. That IS what is going on from both sides currently.

That is why people are divided. Both sides are attempting to convince their followers as well as the other side. But if we can’t control and manage or influence the other side to hell with them. They are wrong and stupid and cannot see the light. We judge. They judge. We take sides. We align with those who think like us. They do likewise. Impasse!

Why do we get pissed off? Because they, like us, are attempting to get others to do what they think is right. They’re trying to control us and we them. It’s a battle of wills and each side thinks they have the truth. Get it? It IS the pot calling the kettle black. Both sides consider their side superior to the other. Both sides profess to have the truth.

This has occurred in humans since humans arose from the amoeba pool.

Since this the case, yelling ‘where is the bathroom’ louder and louder won’t get you the outcome you want. You both need to speak the same language. You need to be able to get them to understand what you mean. Yelling louder and louder or doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result ain’t gonna change it or change people.

Please consider this: How can you appeal to someone who is locked into a different position?

How can you build a bridge to understanding and lead the way to influence them with harmony and integrity? If you want a different outcome than the one you are getting, how must you change and what must you change to be more effective?

You won’t get people to come your way if you don’t appeal to how they make decisions, process information, and what they believe and value. They are interested only in What is in it for me! Just as you and I are. If we don’t help them understand what is in it for them to adopt a position other than the one the presently hold, they won’t.

That is why you win more bears with honey than with vinegar

As expert communicators, thought leaders and influencers, NLPers, parents, business owners and managers this should be basic thinking and doing. But it rarely is. Because we are just like the people we accuse of being stubborn or stupid and yet, we think we are better than they are. As they do us. Get it?

We must RISE ABOVE and begin to think and behave differently if we wish to be more positively influential. There are better ways and we must find them and use them. I am happy to help show you how. Let’s discuss this further. Would you be open to that? If yes, reach out to me through my website IDEA-Seminars.com  Celebrate everything!” Rex Sikes

It is a life changer!

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“Rex is absolutely brilliant and transparent. My go-to book for those I mentor who want to be happy and successful with their lives as they choose.” – Fred Van Lieu ‘The Water Doctor,’ Author

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“Rex’s background as change agent, actor, magician, mentalist, communicator, performer, and survivor, makes him well practiced in the art of knowing the inner landscape of the human mind. In this book, he hands you the keys to unlock the magical kingdom within you. Not only do you receive the keys, codes, and passwords, you also get the full behind-the-scenes tour to know how to use them. You can now take charge of your own thinking and enjoy the abundant riches you are uniquely qualified to produce as you live life on your own terms.” – Paul R. Scheele, Ph.D

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