“Times may be difficult but did you know that transformation can be easy? It doesn’t have to be hard. Did you know that it can be fun too? Whether or not you read the preceding blog you are going to want to read these next two.
You can make changes more easily when you know what works and use it. Have you struggled for awhile? If so, it is time to utilize what works and transform your life. Wouldn’t you like to do that now? You can!
continued from previous blog: Use This Powerful Secret To Get Over The Past & Limitations. This is Part 2.
Send Your Brain On A Positive Search
When you do this repeatedly you are occupying your mind with positive powerful ‘things’ to search for. The brain works by searching and finding. The brain loves questions it doesn’t know the answer to because you aren’t forcing anything on it.
You are simply asking and the brain responds with, ‘I don’t know but I will go look!’ The brain never stops it runs on and on. So you want to fill it with positive and productive tasks to do that transform you will it is doing them. Get it?
The fancy word is Transderivational Search. Basically, it means a search for a broad match versus a specific or exact match or answer. It is an unconscious process, we all already do, in order to understand or make sense of language and communication.
Typically, when we ask a question we want or expect an exact answer. We ask, ‘where did you go?’ ‘What did you do?’ ‘Who are you?’ If we say, ‘what is for dinner?’ We don’t want someone to say food. So when I say ask yourself questions most people think I mean find an answer. I don’t
Bad Questions Produce Bad Results
When we ask of ourselves, ‘Why am I so stupid?’ The brain goes ‘let’s find out!’ Then it comes back with a host of answers. “When you were 4 you put your head in the toaster.’ ‘Your parents didn’t love you enough’. ‘You didn’t get to go to the right school.’ It goes on and on. That is its job. To find matches. Broad matches and it will find specific occasions.
When you ask a question like that and you get all those responses it is then easy to conclude, ‘I am stupid. I have always been stupid and will remain so. Look at all the bonehead things I have done. Why me? Why am I such a dope. Life sucks!’ Notice it spirals more and more into self pity, blame, hopelessness or despair.
We already do this. Some spend most of their time and their life doing this. Others occasionally, but the results are the same. The brain knows where to get the answers, the results are bad feelings and memories and reasons and self blame and criticism. It works reliably, automatically because it is a habit.
We Already Do This – Only Now – We Direct The Process
Why theseDirected Questions™ are powerful is because asking questions is what you and I already do. Only now, we ask them with intention. We actively direct them into areas we want to go into. We deliberately use them instead of being used by them.
I was in crisis when I was a young man. I was hurting badly. To say I was devastated and had bottomed out would be putting it mildly. I spent 6 months in utter turmoil with another in the gutter figuratively. At the point when I realized I must do something or die I made a decision to myself.
I vowed to not leave my apartment until I felt better.
I spent more than a month in a recliner chair in meditation and affirming and hoping and wishing. I got up to make something to eat and use the bathroom but I sat in the chair.
One day, I noticed I was asking myself questions such as, ‘Why did this happen to me?’ ‘Why me?’ ‘Why did she have to (do what she did)?’ ‘How come my life sucks?’
Determine Where You Want To End Up Then Reverse Engineer
I used lots of expletives and wasn’t merely questioning I was suffering. ‘Why am I such an idiot?’ ‘How come no one understands me?’ Can’t they see I am hurting? and on and on.
All the while I was trying to affirm. Trying to white light the situation, pay attention to my breathing, watch my thoughts. My thoughts only seemed to bring me more and more pain and misery.
It was a terrible time. I had been through a really terrible year. I was once again at the end of my rope.
Believe me, when I say this was not the only time in my life when I did this. I remember running into the bathroom or bedroom as a child and crying and asking myself, ‘Why do I always cause my parents to fight?’ ‘Why am I so bad? ‘How come I am stupid?’
In my chair one day, and I do not know why or how, it occurred to me that I was asking questions that were hurting me more. I became aware of something. I noticed something for the very first time.
It wasn’t a flash of illumination but a slow and steady ‘dawning’. I began to slowly ask other questions like: ‘How might I begin to get over feeling bad?’ ‘How long will it take to feel confident again?’ ‘Will she and I get back together?’
‘What do I need to do and be like to win her back?’ ‘When will I be ready to face the world again?’ ‘What do I need to be able do that?’ I asked other questions, too, for certain.
Drop By Drop Fills The Tub
I began to replace the questions that made me feel bad with questions that gave me a bit more hope. It wasn’t all in one fell swoop but gradually the questions I asked became better more useful questions.
The more I replaced the bad ones with better ones the little bit better I eventually began to feel. I mean, I really did inch along. The mere inch created a glimmer. Just a glimmer but a glimmer of hope.
Notice my questions actually still started off on the problem. I was focused how long it would take to begin to be different and I was still focused on the problem.
BUT at least it was the first move in a better direction. Within a few week or maybe two weeks I began to ask even better questions.
‘How soon might I start feeling better?’ ‘What will I have to do to notice things improving?’ ‘Where should I, can I place my attention to notice myself feeling better?’ ‘How much better can I feel?
‘How soon can I begin to feel confident again? ‘How good will I feel when my life is back together?’ “When I feel confident how will I most notice it? Where will I feel it in my body?’
Notice I did not ask (of course I did at first) because I was learning to change direction ‘Will I ever feel better?’ or ‘Will we ever get back together?’ or ‘Will I ever be able to face the world?’
Good Questions Produce Good Results
These latter questions don’t get us anywhere soon. These tend to keep us stuck. You don’t know the answer but these aren’t aimed in any useful direction.
Many of us waste our time asking useless questions. We spin our wheels and stay stuck wondering, ‘what if’ or ‘what if it doesn’t’ or why am I less than glorious?’
Or we ask about other people, whom we really can’t do anything about. Just like circumstances and events we ask, ‘why won’t they love me?’ ‘will they ever change?’ I know because I have.
We have to ask questions about what WE can see, hear, feel, taste or smell and experience. Our questions are about what WE think, feel and act or behave NOT about the outer world or others.
I’ll continue. More in the next blog.
These are self-directed, directed questions. We aim our mind at discovering and finding and feeling and acting the positive, wonderful, good things we can.
Through questions we can open incredible doorways to adventure. We create no resistance because we are innocently asking? We are seeking. When we are seeking in the right places and open to finding the positive answers all things can begin to change!” Rex Sikes
Have a wonderful new day!
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*Horizons photo used with permission of Phil Koch.
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